We've all been in this situation.
Somebody asks us to do him or her a favor and, though there
are a gazillion other things we should do first, we find it
difficult to turn the other person down because he or she has
done us a favor in the past, or is a close friend or a family
member.
The concept of gratitude prevails
and we find ourselves trapped in something we really didn't
know why we committed to. We can sometimes be so worried at
causing disappointment in other people, often at the expense
of our own activities and interests.
Frankly, knowing how to say 'no'
requires skill. Others might say that it shouldn't be hard to
do. But, let's face it. We live as social beings and acceptance
often occupies the number one spot in the list of virtues we
want to achieve.
Despite this, there are actually
ways we can circumvent this difficulty. Subliminal
persuasion is one way. Here are 7 more friendly, pain-free
and reasonable ways to say 'no'.
1) Say 'no'; then show what
the other person has to do to get a 'yes.'
For example: An employee is asking
you for a raise but you hesitate to do so because lately he's
been skipping work and picking arguments with co-workers. Yet,
he looks like he really needs it and has been working for your
company for three years now.
You want to give him a raise,
but his recent behavior is a little disappointing. How do you
say 'no'?
Tell him that you can't approve
a raise right now, but will do so once you see an improvement
in his work ethic. You can say, "I understand your need
for a salary increase, but in order for me to implement that,
we'll have to work on strengthening your work habits. Now, let's
see how we can make that happen…"
2) Make it impersonal.
Make it sound like saying 'no'
was a matter of circumstance, not of choice. An example of this
is: "We've just paid our mortgage and my daughter is going
off to college in two weeks. That's why I won't be able to lend
you money."
3) Say 'no' in a way that
will make the other person say 'no' to himself or herself.
Instead of saying 'no', teach
the other person to say 'yes' to what you want. Do this subtly,
of course.
For instance, your fashion conscious
sister wants to get a pink iPod while you want a blue one. You
can tell her that while pink is a cute color, it's more difficult
to match with her clothes. Once you level with her and link
what you want with what interests her, she'll give in and agree
with you.
4) Say you want to say 'yes',
but…
Like tip number two, make it
sound like you had no choice but to turn the other person down.
This way, the relationship remains intact and no one gets hurt.
Just don't involve other people.
Don't blame your 'no' reply to somebody else, as this could
result in conflict and ill feelings.
5)
Say 'no' then redirect.
Another
way to say 'no' nicely is to redirect the person to somebody
who can also fulfill their request.
For
example, if your grandmother wants you to take her to a nice
dinner, you can always say 'no' then tell her that you can get
your brother or your sister to accompany her instead. As long
as she still gets what she wants in the end, you're in the clear.
6)
Say 'no' but give encouragement.
Here's
another scenario that might be familiar to those who have little
brothers or sisters. Say your little brother wants you to help
him do a project. If you really can't help him out, say, "I'm
afraid I can't help you right now, but I know and I believe
that you can do a real good job of it by yourself."
Give
people that encouragement they need to do things on their own.
7) Say it nicely.
You're giving negative news,
so you might as well do it nicely. Let the other person down
easy to avoid misunderstandings. It's the least you can for
the disappointed. People tend to be more accepting of bad news
if it's brought in a polite and sympathetic manner.
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